You got to find what you love.

I don’t remember the commencement speech at my university graduation.  It’s not that they were bad speeches or anything (at least I don’t think)- I was just very jaded with school and life at the moment. I previously graduated college with honours. Teachers and fellow classmates told me I’ll be a superstar. They said I had it? What was it??? I worked in display industry – weddings, window, booth and retail displays but I didn’t love it. I was supposedly great at it. I wasn’t interested in climbing up any ladders at the time. I was jaded and afraid. I felt there was something seriously wrong with me as I wasn’t achieving what people said I would  achieve. I was ashamed when former teachers and classmates asked me what I was doing since graduation.  At the time I was going through a bunch of freelance, part time and temp jobs from working as a stock girl to an elevator operator and everything in between.

What the f*&@ was I doing with my life? I finally got myself out of my jaded world and quit my job. Packed my bags for a 9 month backpacking journey that took me on a whole bunch of twists and turns. After my travels, I planned to hit the ground running instead I was lost for another year of wandering through life. I was feeling sorry for myself.

I decided to go back to school.  The first year was great then I declared my major and it wasn’t so great. Then I went on exchange and it was great and then my last year wasn’t so great.  It wasn’t until I had a nervous breakdown in my last year of school that life got better. I’m surprised one of my teacher actually passed me.  At first, I was really embarrassed having a mental breakdown in school but connecting the dots backwards it was one of the best things to happen to me. It freed me from fear. I had a nervous breakdown but I picked myself up from it and I look at where I am now. I’m happy (okay not always but for the most part I am).

Recently, I came across Steve Job’s Standford commencement speech. Love him or hate him. His drive and passion are inspiring.

Two main points I will take away from this speech.

“…you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”